This is Now
by Jenna Montgomery
Summary: The past can't be changed, and the future is yet to come. But the present is now. RyanCalleigh.


Disclaimer: The characters involved are not mine; they are owned by CBS and other respective owners.

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The moonlight fell across the darkened land, gently bathing everything in a soft light, chasing away the darkness of night. A cool breeze blew, sending shivers down Ryan's spine and raising goosebumps along his arms, but he took no notice of it. Absently he wrapped his arms across his chest as he stared contemplatively into the night. 

The soft light of the moon might have chased away most of the darkness, but it couldn't chase away the constant chill that had fallen over him. That chill, that frighteningly cold feeling wasn't caused by the gentle sea breeze.

He'd never been more afraid in his life. The day had started routinely enough, but that peace certainly hadn't lasted. Ryan couldn't remember too much of it, but the worst of it was the part he couldn't block from his memory.

Calleigh. His Calleigh. Held at gunpoint by a mass murderer they'd been tracking for months. She'd been taken by surprise; she'd never known he was behind her.

He'd almost lost her. The man had been seconds away from pulling the trigger. Calleigh had known that. Calleigh had known what was coming. She resigned herself to that fact.

Ryan didn't know what he would've done had SWAT not found that lucky shot. He might've died himself.

And now that it was over and Calleigh was safe in their bed, Ryan still couldn't get that vision out of his head -- the vision of himself rushing forward and cradling Calleigh's lifeless body in his arms. He knew she was okay now, but the vision just wouldn't leave him.

His eyes fell closed as he caught her sweet scent wafting into the air around him, mixing with the scent of the salty air to form a scent that was calming. It was only a moment later that he felt her lazily wrap an arm around his back as she fell in line next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder, and Ryan turned his head slightly, pressing a soft kiss to her hair.

Calleigh smiled slightly, relaxing against his body. "It's past two. What are you doing out here on the balcony?" she asked softly.

"I couldn't sleep," Ryan mumbled. "I came out here to think."

Calleigh nodded. "What are you thinking about?"

Ryan sighed, his eyes closing again. She was right beside him; he could feel her warmth, but still in his mind he saw her cold, never to be warm again. He gave a shudder, pulling her in close to him.

Calleigh sighed understandingly. "I can't stop thinking about it either," she admitted quietly, her eyes trained far off into the distance. "I can't sleep either."

"You were sleeping when I got out of bed," Ryan murmured.

Calleigh gave a rueful chuckle. "Not well. And then, not at all when you left."

He didn't reply. Calleigh gently touched one of his hands, rubbing her thumb over it as they stood in silence, each grateful for the other's presence. She smiled, feeling him turn his head toward her, his breath tickling her hair. "I could've lost you today," he mumbled after a moment, gently nuzzling her hair.

"But you didn't." Her reply was soft but strong, just as the feeling of her soft body standing assuredly next to his.

"I know." Still, he tightened his grasp on her, afraid to let go. "But I'm still afraid there'll be a next time. And it won't end the same."

"Maybe there will be a next time," Calleigh said quietly. "But that's the future and we can't do anything about that until it happens. But this…this is now." She smiled, sighing as he kissed her head again.

Ryan nodded slightly, "And this is what we have now," he mumbled, swaying her gently.

"This is what we have now," she repeated, closing her eyes contentedly.

After a moment, Calleigh gave a shiver, her tiny tank top not protecting her much against the night breeze. She longed to crawl back into the warmth of their bed, but there would be no warmth there if he wasn't there with her. She didn't need the warmth of blankets; she needed the warmth of his arms.

Gently she slipped away from him, turning to face him. "Come back to bed?" she pleaded quietly, lacing her fingers in his. He didn't speak, and Calleigh tugged gently on his hands. "It's lonely without you."

"Calleigh…" he hesitated, still not moving.

"Ryan?" She stepped quietly in front of him, searching for his eyes. His dark eyes were troubled, a distinct opposite to the calm light of the moon reflected in them. Wordlessly he dropped one of her hands, bringing his up to gently cup her face. Calleigh's eyes fluttered closed and she sighed contentedly, leaning slightly into his touch. "Ryan…"

"Shh," he whispered, leaning in and dropping his lips to hers in a soft kiss. His lips slid smoothly against hers, and when he gently flicked his tongue against her lips, she gave a soft moan, granting him entrance, deepening the kiss, yet still retaining its sweet sensuality. His hands slid up into her hair, threading through the silky strands; at the same time he felt her hands slide under his shirt, gently scratching at the skin of his abdomen.

Air soon became a necessity, but neither were very willing at all to pull away. Ryan still held her close, resting his forehead against hers. "I love you, Calleigh," he murmured breathlessly, gazing intensely into her green eyes. "I love you…"

"I love you too," she murmured, almost inaudibly. She stepped on her tiptoes, softly kissing his lips once more.

She shivered again, and Ryan gently trailed his fingers over her arms. "Cold?" he whispered.

"A little," she said with a nod. "Come back to bed with me?" she asked again.

"Okay," he whispered. Calleigh gave him one of her brightest smiles and, taking his hand, she led him from the balcony back inside to the comfort of their bed.

And as sleep once more began to claim them, they forced all thought of the past or worries for the future away, letting themselves enjoy the present while snuggled tightly in each others arms.


End file.
